Caring To a Fault: From Victim to Empowerment

This post is written by a guest contributor, Dave Ursillo.

I often hear complaining—especially from young people—who feel that they routinely become victims of a characteristic of their individual personalities: “caring to a fault.” When someone complains about “caring too much” in friendships and relationships, the opinion is merely a negative perspective on a unique personality trait that results from the insecurity of being emotionally hurt and the natural tendency for human beings to strive for self-preservation. While “caring too much” can indeed lead to emotional pain in friendships and relationships, undertaking a more “evolved” and positive perspective about “caring to a fault” can lead you to better understand yourself to be an impassioned, caring soul who can embrace and utilize your compassionate nature as the means to achieve both success and happiness.

Have ever told yourself, “I care so much that I just get hurt in the end” or “I care to a fault, it just forces the ones I love away”? Most of us have said something similar, at one point or another in our lives. However, for some of us, it seems as if we care too much too many times, and that the overextension of our willingness to give love, thoughtfulness and care actually has a negative impact in friendships and relationships. Ironically, caring too much can often cause someone we care about to be pushed further away from us. Moreover, when emotional anguish from a friendship or relationship is what results, those who “care to a fault” are left to wonder why their natural, caring personalities ultimately become a hazard to their happiness and well-being: as if “caring too much” becomes a character flaw that only causes suffering, instead of love and support for those that they care most about.

The pain that results from a tough breakup or the end of a friendship is always difficult, particularly when you feel like you are to blame and especially if “caring too much” is what forced someone else away. Nevertheless, the pain and hurt that results from “caring too much” provides us with the opportunity to learn and grow and improve who we are on the inside. But even more beneficial is that through the reflection and self-exploration that results from feeling victimized by “caring too much,” we begin to understand that “caring to a fault” isn’t a character flaw at all; it is a unique trait of our personalities that can be used to our benefit. When we choose to refuse to feel like a victim from being so compassionate, we then begin to nurture it as a unique characteristic that can be used like a tool. Through different channels that require our impassioned and caring spirit, we can use “caring to a fault” to drive us to new heights of achievement and success.

Once one understands that “caring to a fault” is not a flaw of character—one misunderstood to only cause self-endangerment, exploitation, and ultimately pain—but rather, a unique personality trait that reveals one’s compassionate nature, then it can be embraced as an empowering motor that will aptly drive someone to achieve new successes and happiness. Understanding one’s own personality is a major source of personal power because one’s ability to care so much about someone or something can be harnessed and utilized in a career, for personal passions and other such pursuits. In a world wherein it often feels that not enough people care to dream, try, strive, and achieve, we should be so lucky to have more people among us who care “too much and to a fault.”


Dave is a 24-year-old author and enjoys writing about self-improvement and personal development subjects for his blog, Dave founded “Renegadeism,” a positive mindset that encourages young men and women to believe in human goodness and optimistic thinking, in spite of cynicism. He lives in the state of Rhode Island, USA.

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