Cultivate Oneself prior to Cultivating Others


Self-mastery and self-discipline are the foundation of good relationships with others. – Stephen Covey 

A book entitled, 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, teaches about cultivating effectiveness in totality of a person. And to do this, cultivation was grouped into two: Private Victory and Public Victory.  Both are important to achieve the goal of becoming an effective individual.

Private Victory speaks of self-improvement and mastery.  When you are able to make choices and decision, as well as, you are able to lead your actions according to your will.  On the other hand, Public Victory is when you are able to effectively communicate and relate with other people.

Private victories precedes public victories.

Private victory precedes public victory means that in order for you to become effective in dealing with other people, you must first be able to effectively deal with oneself.

Oftentimes, the reason why you find it hard to deal with other people is because you haven’t really mastered how to deal with yourself, like how you control your mental and emotional attitude.  So before you start learning relationship building and achieve public victory, you must first ensure you have learned and mastered the principles of private victory.

Private Victory is more about the habit of cultivating oneself.  In order to do this, you have to remember the first three of the seven habits:

1. Be Proactive (Make Choice a Habit)

  • You have to keep in my mind that Life is 90% choice and 10% chance
  • You are the creator of your life
  • Whatever you mind believes in will bring about the result of your life
  • When you are able to control your thoughts, you will be able to control yourself and your life
To learn more about how to be proactive, read our article entitled Make Choice a Habit.

2. Begin With The End in Mind (Create the Life that You Want)

  • You can create your own Life Blueprint (a Vision/Goal/Dream)
  • When your life blueprint is in writing, you will have a guide or reminder of your life purpose
  • Remember to not wait for your own funeral before you realize what your life is all about.
  • People who has created their life blueprint oftentimes end up more successful and fulfilled in life compared to those who don’t have one.
To learn more how to create your own life blueprint (purpose), take time to read our article entitled Create Your Life Purpose.

3. Put First Thing First (Do What’s Important)

  • Talks about the prioritization
  • Once you have your own life blueprint (No. 2), learn how to say no on less important things
  • Work smart instead of working hard
  • Manage your time and focus on spending it on what’s important while eliminating those that are not important
  • Once you have mastered this, you no longer need stress tablets because you are already in control of your most valuable asset called time.
To learn more how to prioritize and get focus in doing what is important, read our article entitled, Do What is Important.

The next three habits of the seven habits are speaks of public victory, which is about relationship building or interdependence.  And to become effective on these next three habits,  you need to first adapt to the first three habits on private victory.

Growing up, I always hear people saying:

Before you can give love to other people, you have to learn how to love yourself first.

Now I truly understand this because as Stephen Covey has stated:

You can’t be successful with other people if you haven’t paid the price of being successful with yourself

Remember, learn and start cultivating yourself first, and from then on, start building and cultivating good relationship with other people.

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