Some people are filled with negative and difficult attitude. Whenever they open their mouth, all you can hear are negative words of disapproval, complaining or criticism. Even how hard it may be, you will encounter having to work with difficult and negative people.
There are two types of difficult and negative person:
THE VICTIM (Too Sensitive)
Those who always see themselves living in an unfair environment. They don’t like their jobs or they don’t like their company. Their bosses and teammates are always jerks, and they are always treated unfairly. Or they don’t like the people in their family and the community they live in. Most of these people have their standards that when somebody or the circumstance do not match that standard, they react upon it.
THE RUDE (Too Insensitive)
Those who loves to criticize and see the negative doing of other people. They see the action and failure of others as something to make fun of, and talk to other people. Most of these people are full of insecurities that they get envious if some people are having a great life or they are pleased to step on someone who is having a difficult time.
There is a saying that goes:
The environment you live in has effect on whether you will love the things you will do in your life.
It will bring about the joy and fun you will have in your work, at school, at home or in whatever you do. But we have all been in the situation where we seem to be working/dealing with difficult and negative people. Unfortunately, we meet them at work, school and home. There will always be negative and difficult people wherever you go.
Negative and difficult people can put discouragement on your positive mood, and produces a stressful environment. Those will bring frustration and can drain your enthusiasm or energy. Part of the frustration comes from feeling that you are helpless to do anything. Most often, when we are faced with difficult and negative situation, we end up searching for a new path, maybe a job, career, or move out of our house, just to avoid the difficult and negative situation.
The trick, however, is not too soon in leaving the job, school or home that you love to be at, if only the negative and difficult people are not around. The trick is to learn how to work and deal with those people. As they say,
Do not give up your dreams and the things you love to do, just because you can’t deal with the stress of the moments.
Ways to Work With Difficult and Negative People
You have the power to change your environment and this article will show you how.
1. Evaluate your Response and Focus on your Behavior
Are you responding positively or reacting negatively?
When faced with difficult situation, your character is tested. If you react instead of responding, you tend to let go of a negative emotional feeling towards the situation. Reacting gives you the power to push your stand against the other person. So you end up blaming other people in the situation you are faced in. On the other hand, if you respond to the situation, you take control and you care less about who caused the situation, you focus on what you can control and that’s you.
Working with difficult and negative people needs a positive respond. Try not to react for it will not solve anything but will just leave you bad feelings. Stop agonizing and reacting. You have a choice in a situation. Choose to focus on what needs to be done and move on.
2. Put Your Negative Feelings Into Writing
After a heated situation with difficult people, you tend to become really pissed off and you can’t help it. When it happens, instead of calling a dearest person, maybe a friend, co-worker or a family member, what you do is grab a paper and a pen or open your Microsoft word, then start typing what you feel about the person and the situation. Write everything that you feel, the pain, the frustration and all the negative emotion you currently have. And then, erase it or throw it out.
Do not read what you’ve written over and over for it will just cause you more and more negative feelings. Instead, after writing your emotions out, tear it up as soon as possible so you can easily move on to more important things.
Writing it helped you erased the negative feeling to yourself and avoiding the temptation of spreading that negative feelings to others.
3. When Sharing is Bad
The best things in life happens when shared with others. However, not all things should be shared to other people especially negative stories.
When you react to negative and difficult people, you tend to bring the negative feeling wherever you go. And even if you don’t intend to do it, you often share the negative feeling to others when you start to tell the story about how difficult that person is. And when it happens, you only do not cause negative feeling to others, but you also started a negative story about the other person which can spread to other people. And once it spreads, it may cause more bigger and more stressful negative environment. Because other may follow what you’ve started, that’s spreading negative stories to others.
You may not realize it but negative environment can start with you. Thus, negative environment can turn to positive environment, and it can start with you too. Stop spreading negative stories and start spreading positive things.
4. Be on the Other Person’s Shoe
Difficult and negative people are caused by their reaction in a given negative circumstances that they are faced in. However, there are just some who are naturally negative and difficult.
So have the humility of heart to understand the other person. Try to see the circumstance at the other’s person’s view before you start reacting and spreading negative conclusions.
Most often, difficult people are those who needs the most love and understanding.
5. Have the Humility of Heart to Ask and Listen
Confrontation is one of our most feared moments. I’ve used to be fearful of this situation that’s why I tend to follow straight whatever other people will direct me or say. I hated to disappoint other’s and be faced with confrontations.
But one of the best part of the maturity and success I’ve had started when I decided let go of my fear of confrontation. Confrontation is not all negative. Reacting is a negative form of confrontation. It’s a situation where both of the person try to prove themselves right that’s why nothing is solved. While responding is a positive confrontation of recognizing that there is differences and they try make up to that differences by agreeing and moving forward without negative grudges.
Positive confrontation, asking and listening to the other person’s feelings and point of view gave me more wisdom and emotional intelligence to lived up in life. It widen my perspective and open my mind to respect each other differences. Plus it made it easier for me to deal with people even if we do not believe on the same things. Step back, try to open your mind and hearts to other’s and you’ll see and experience greater things. Who knows, you’ll even gain another best friend.
6. Show Respect
I’ve always believed that any problem can be solved with positive confrontation. When both sides have positive mental attitude of respect to each one’s opinion and decision.
Never try to prove yourself right to others for you’ll never win. Each one of us are born to believe that you are always right and what you do is right. That’s the human nature that you cannot do anything about.
So instead of attacking the person by proving yourself right and the other is wrong, just show respect on other’s decision, behaviour and opinion. Take control of yourself, focus and correct your own behaviour.
7. Be a Model of Positive Attitude and Encourage Others
You cannot avoid negative people to approach you and start sharing negative stories with you. But instead of supporting and adding up to the negative story that’s spreading, always bring up the positive side of each situation. Begin changing the negative environment with you. If the big bosses or other people can’t do it, be the one to start spreading positive ambiance in your environment. Start seeing and complimenting good stuff about others, be cheerful and smile even to those who appear to dislike you, and speak only of words of positivity.
It may be hard at the start since you are not used to being too positive and change is really hard at the start. But make it a habit of doing positive things at least 5 times a day, and you’ll start to see the positive change in you as days goes by.
8. Avoid the Difficult People and Mingle With the Positive People
The old saying, “Birds of the same feather flock together”, is always true and will remain true.
Remember, you cannot please everyone and that means, you cannot be friends with everyone. If there are a lot of negative and difficult people around you, I’m sure there are also a lot of positive and like-minded people around you too. Focus your attention on finding and spending time with these people so as to avoid focusing your attention to the heart blowing difficult and negative people.
Choose to eliminate acquaintance to the difficult and negative people. Deal with them with fair manner when needed for a job or situation but do not force yourself to agree and hang-out with them.
9. Wait it Out and Take a Break
After taking all the steps into action and nothing happens, you still feel the frustration and stress of having to work and deal with negative/difficult people, now it’s time for you to relax and take that break. Use the vacation leave and sick leaves you’ve been saving up to take a days or weeks of vacation. It’s best if you go out of town and not just stay at home. If you’ll just stay home, you’ll just end up feeling sorry and stupid for even taking off from work. Use this time to enjoy yourself and your life outside your comfort and normal zone.
Once you go out, try to stop thinking about the work and people you’ve left behind. Just enjoy the peaceful and happy situation you have in your vacation. Believe me, once you go back, you’re more energized and more clear-headed to decide on what you really want to do and how you really want to approach with the situation with the difficult people.
10. Quit the environment and find your place
Once you get into this stage, you’ve already sorted out all the options and had come to the conclusion that the negative and difficult environment and people isn’t worth of your time. If you see yourself not growing to the place and that you cannot do some changes, then it’s time for you to move on and find the place you can grow as a person.
It’s the same in any situation or people you have to deal with. When you even think of quitting, quit not because you can’t handle the stress that other people or circumstance is bringing you, but instead, quit because you do not see yourself growing and be the best in that environment.
Remember, in any situation, you have a choice. Always choose to be a winner of your own life including your emotions, not a victim or a rude person that ruins it. Again, you always have a choice on how to respond to it.