Every day, we meet and deal with different kinds of people. There will be people we will enjoy their company while there will be those we find it difficult to relate and work with. And the longer we spend our time with them, the more we will like or hate them.
In our relationship with people, it seems like we fall into three different set of attitudes, it’s either we like, hate or don’t care.
When we like the people around us, we tend to be more positive, energetic and happy. On the other hand, when we hate the people around us, we become negative, stressed and unhappy. But when we don’t care or have not invested emotion with the people around us, our mood is neutral, we are neither happy nor sad. We are neither positive nor negative. We are neither energetic nor stressed.
In our daily encounters with people, it’s best if we can maintain either a positive or a neutral attitude. Of course, it is easier said than done, especially when you have already developed a negative emotion of hate towards another person. It takes a great deal of effort not to hate someone who’s really annoying and hard to deal with, but it can be done, if we allow ourselves to change our attitude towards these people.
Personally, I’m the type who doesn’t care much about the behavior of other people because I respect freedom and individuality. However, there were times in the past that I let my emotions control me that led me to feel negative or disliking another person. Words cannot explain how disappointed I am with myself whenever I think of those days.
The good news is that people changes and mature. By experiencing negative emotions of hate and annoyance over other people, I’ve learned two (2) important lessons about hate or hatred, and these are:
1. Hate is a Sign of Immaturity and Low Emotional Intelligence
People who entertain the negative emotion of hate are those who lack emotional intelligence and maturity. Those kinds of people either has low self-esteem, envious, insecure and inferior or overconfident and superior. They don’t have the ability and maturity to handle their own emotion, motivate oneself and effectively relate with other people. And as such, they get easily distracted, unmotivated and frustrated when they need to interact with others, especially with people they dislike or hate.
I’ve learned and proven that no matter how difficult or annoying another person is, if you are emotionally mature, it wouldn’t affect you. Because when you don’t let your emotion control and dictate how you feel, you will be able to think and act more effectively with others.
As popularly said, there are many smart people in the world, but only few succeed and attains happiness in life because only few are able to develop a high level of emotional intelligence and maturity.
2. What We Hate is a Reflection of Our Own Inner Weakness and Shortcoming
If you hate a person, you hate something in them that is part of yourself. What isn’t part of ourselves doesn’t bother us. – Hermann Hesse
The truth is that what you dislike or hate about someone else is a reflection of who you are. The attitude and behavior that we dislike or hate about other people, oftentimes, arise from our own inner issues that we need to resolve within ourselves. Take for an instance, a thief hates another thief, a negative person hates another negative person, attention seeker hates another attention seeker, achiever hates another achiever, and the like.
It’s very common that similar people clash with one another because both of them wants to prove themselves better than the other. It’s the sense of competition and proving oneself as righteous which causes the feeling of hatred and conflict. As such, instead of admitting that we feel insecure or inferior towards the other person, what we frequently do is we entertain the negative emotion of hate or we defensively spread negative story about the other so that people will hate them like we do. We may feel that we have won the battle because we’ve got the support of others, but the truth is when we do that, we are just concealing our own inner weakness and shortcoming.
Another important lesson I’ve learned about hate is to take it as a signal of my own inner weakness and shortcoming. Instead of attacking the other person and entertaining the negative emotion of hate or hatred, take inventory of your own behavior first. You may have the same issues that you need to resolve within you.
Hate is an emotion that is hard to abolish, you may not be able to totally eliminate it but you can minimize it in order to create a less negative and frustrating environment for you. The other person may not change his or her behavior, but you can change how you will respond.
Nobody can ruin or brighten your day without your permission.
Now that you have a better understanding of hate or hatred, the next time you find yourself hating or disliking someone, take it as a signal to look at your own behavior and inner weakness instead of attacking the other person.
Everybody has their weakness and imperfection, and you do too. Don’t waste your energy, time and emotion frustrating about the behaviors of other people, rather, invest them to a more productive, positive and fulfilling activity.
Also, strive to look at the positive of every people you meet and try to avoid clinging to the negatives. It will not only brighten your day, you may also make more real friends.
I hope this article has been enlightening for you to create a more positive attitude and environment in your life!
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Happy life journey to you!