Our daily communications and interactions have become transactional instead of relational.
Interactions have focused more on results, achieving desired outcome at the expense of relationships, even making others feel devalued and used. The importance of how people are treated in the process of achieving results, that means are an important part of an end, are often neglected and ignored.
Most of us have never been taught the importance of building relationships with others. And as we grow up, we hear our parents tell us about maintaining good grades and making sure that we follow rules, but seldom we were taught on how to build relationship with others. Whatever we’ve learned, we’ve got through observation of what we see around us. We are lucky if we had good role models when we were growing up and not so lucky if we didn’t. As such, a lot of people, such as those in the office, at home, at school, or in the community we live in, values relationship building the least. It’s like everyone is too busy to even bother and care.
A lot of us forget that:
“It takes just about the same amount of time to be a nice guy as it does to be a jerk”
If you feel guilty with this truth but you want to improve your relationships, at home, at work, in school or the community you live in, this post will bring you principles on How to Build Good Relationship With People.
1. Be True to Yourself
“Your relationships can only be as healthy as you are.” – Nick Clark Warren
Show who you really are, your unique self. Do not try to impress by being anybody but yourself. Always do your best at being yourself. Let your actions come out of who you really are, what you truly believe in, and the things you are devoted to.
The prerequisite for relationship building is trust. Trust is built when people believe who you represent yourself to be.
2. Be Honest
“Say what you’ll do, and do what you say.”
Don’t make promises you can’t keep and don’t create expectations you can’t fulfill. Avoid over representing and overpromising. Be a man, woman, or organization of your word. That’s integrity.
As mentioned earlier, relationships are build with trust. And trust is build with belief in another person’s integrity. Show integrity in your words and actions. That’s the foundation of a good relationship.
3. Smile Often
“The expression wears on one’s face is far more important than the clothes one wears on one’s back.”
Try walking in the street and observe people, what do you see? Is it a stressed, tired, irritated and impatient expression? Or is it enthusiastic, heart warming and real smile of people?
One of the disease of this career-driven world is that we get too serious with ourselves that we forget to wear the most important outfit in our life, it’s our “smile”.
A smile says, “I like you. You make me happy. I am glad to see you”.
If you want to start attracting and creating good relationships with people, start by walking and greeting people with your most beautiful smile.
4. Stop Criticizing, Condemning and Complaining
“If you want to gather honey, don’t kick over the beehive.” – Dale Carnegie
By criticizing, condemning and complaining, it does not change a situation, oftentimes, it only creates much problem such as resentment and broken relationships. Instead of criticizing, condemning and complaining against others, why not try to understand them? Put yourself in their situation or might as well try to figure out how to move forward with the solution. That’s a lot more helpful and gainful than criticism and complaining, which often doesn’t solve anything.
No one is perfect, and I’m pretty sure you are not as well, even though we often think we are always right. It is human nature to blame, criticize and judge the actions of others except their own. We are not perfect ourselves to even judge others.
If you want to change and improve your relationship with people in your environment, begin in yourself. It’s more easier and lot less dangerous than trying to improve others.
5. Be Genuinely Interested with Other People
“It may be true that interesting people attract attention, but I believe that interested people attract appreciation.” – Mark Sanborn
You can make more friends in two months by becoming genuinely interested in other people than you can in two years of trying to get people interested on you. People are not interested in you, they are not interested in me. They are interested in themselves – morning, noon and after dinner.
As such, if you want to build good relationships with other people, you have to become interested with their favourite person, themselves. People are pleased when you put an interest in getting to know them better, not out of bad curiosity, but in an effort to build relationships.
So the next time you want to build relationship with a stranger, instead of boasting your accomplishments and declaring your great self, try to be more interested in the story of the stranger. You will only not gain new friend, but also, lots of new knowledge and wisdom.
6. Consider Others Want and Interest
“It is the individual who is not interested in his fellow men who has the greatest difficulties in life and provides the greatest injury to others.” – Alfred Adler
To better illustrate this, I’ll share with you a scenario I’ve personally encountered. I’m a person who wasn’t raised and trained in dealing with other people. In our family, children are given the most priority, that’s why I was becoming a bit bratty and selfish when I was growing up. I’ve brought this bratty and selfish attitude in school that aroused difficult situation with other people.
To cut the story short, when I slowly realized that my attitude wasn’t helping me build relationship with others, I started to realize that happy and harmonious relationship with other people begins with me. It begins when I start to become interested in other’s welfare, wants and interest, not solely of my own. I’ve learned to adjust and be flexible with the people I deal with instead of complaining and criticizing the other person then try to change them for me. When I started to become more selfless, that’s when I started to gain true happiness, unity, teamwork and friendship with other people.
7. Treat People With Importance and Respect
“The life of many person could probably be changed if only someone would make him feel important.” – Ronald Rowland
Almost everyone considers themselves important, very important. The truth is that almost everyone you meet feels to themselves that their superior to you in some way. And a way to build good relationship with this kind of people is to recognize their importance and be sincere with it. Once you sincerely believe that every man you meet is superior to you in some ways, you will learn more from each person you meet.
Always make other people feel important. It is a human nature to crave for appreciation. Remember the famous saying of Jesus, “Do unto others as you would have others do to you”. If you want to gain importance and respect, show and do it first.
8. Be Generous in Giving Sincere Appreciation and Praise
“Try leaving a friendly trail of little sparks of gratitude on your daily trips.” – Dale Carnegie
One of the most neglected virtues of our daily activity is appreciation. A simple “thank you” to the guard who opened the gate for you, or the small gesture of your assistant who prepared a cup of coffee for you. Showing a sincere appreciation and praise can change a person’s life. It can boost another person’s self-esteem, confidence and enthusiasm to bring out much greater value.
On the other hand, lack of appreciation and praise results to make other person feel insecure, unappreciated or invalid.
Begin creating positive relationships and environment by being generous in praising and appreciating others. Remember, small acts when accumulated creates big difference.
9. Be a Good Listener Rather than a Good Talker
“People who talk only of themselves think only of themselves. And those people who think only of themselves, are hopeless uneducated. They are not educated, no matter how instructed they may be.” – Dr. Nicholas Murray Butler
Have you ever been in a conversation with someone wherein you have been talking about something then suddenly the other person cuts in and tell his story. What did you feel? What about having a conversation to someone who was talking to you about something, but instead of listening attentively, even before he finished his speech, you are already thinking your response.
Being a good listener in our time now is a real great talent. Everyone is too busy and too pre-occupied with their own life that they lack time to listen.
But if you want to really create a big positive change in your life and build good relationships with other people, you have to learn how to become a good sincere listener. Be genuinely interested with other people lives.
It doesn’t take much extra time or effort to be interested and demonstrate the value we have for others, especially if from those depends mutual interest and success. And that is the essence of building relationships, whether business or personal.
I hope this post have enlighten you in some way and helped you begin building good relationship with people from this day on and forward. You may refer back to this post once in a while to refresh the principles as you apply it in your life. Happy Journey to your Life!=)