Person who has technical knowledge plus the ability to express ideas, to assume leadership, and to arouse enthusiasm among people – that person is headed for higher earning power. – Dale Carnegie
Dale Carnegie is the author of several all-time international best-selling books like How to Win Friends and Influence People, How to Stop Worrying and Start Living, The Quick and Easy Way to Effective Speaking, How to Enjoy Your Life and Job, The 5 Essential People Skills, and How to Develop Self-Confidence & Influence People by Public Speaking.
Dale Carnegie was born in 1888, he was a salesman and aspiring actor before he began teaching communication classes in YMCA. In 1912, he has founded the world famous Dale Carnegie Course, which provides trainings and seminars on effective communication, human relations and public speaking to millions of people worldwide, both in business and professionals. To know more about Dale Carnegie’s courses and books, CLICK HERE.
It was in August 2009 when I’ve first read Dale Carnegie’s best-selling book, How to Win Friends and Influence People. Back then, I was just starting on my journey of founding my own business and was still employed as a Finance Representative in a multinational company. Coincidentally, it is also the same month I’ve founded this personal development and motivational blog site, Lifetofullest.com
I became interested with the book, How to Win Friends and Influence People, because I was looking for a guide on how to be more effective in relating, communicating and leading people.
In the past, I’ve used to be really introverted, shy and reserved. Socializing and interacting with people is the least activity that interests me. I would rather stay at home, read a book, or focus on working rather than go out and pass time with people.
It was a bit insulting and funny when one of my colleagues even tagged me as ‘autistic’, which means a disorder characterized by impaired social interaction and communication. They called me such because when I’m at work, I seldom talk to people; I was just focused with my work. The reason why I don’t talk much at work was because I was choosy and careful to the people whom I spend my time with. Oftentimes, I only go with people I agree and can relate to, and then I try my best to avoid those whom I have difficulty relating with.
But such attitude of mine changed when I’ve found and read the book, How to Win Friends and Influence People. I’ve learned valuable lessons on how to understand and get along with people. It showed me timeless principles on how to make people like you, and how to win others to your way of thinking. How to Win Friends and Influence People became my practical guide and working handbook on human relations.
Up until now, I still strive to learn and master the principles on human relations and effective communication that I’ve recently attended courses on Public Speaking from Dale Carnegie Training in the Philippines last April 26-27 2011. Below here is an image from such class or seminar:
As of this moment I’m writing this book review of How to Win Friends and Influence People, I’m currently enrolled with another Dale Carnegie Course: Effective Communication and Human Relations/Skills for Success I’ll attached an image once the course is done.
My eagerness to learn how to effectively communicate and relate to people comes from my desire to improve my ability to lead people. I’ve seen and learned how important it is to know and master human relationship skills. It will not only eliminate the barriers which separates us from other people, but it also helps in better understanding and dealing with people, especially difficult ones, without feeling any resentment or annoyance towards them.
After reading the book, How to Win Friends and Influence People, and attend the seminars on Dale Carnegie Courses, I’ve seen a tremendous change in how I relate with people and how it positively changed my perspective in life.
Book Content: How to Win Friends and Influence People
The book, How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie, was first published in 1937. It is considered one of the all-time international best-selling books for over 70 years. As of to date, it has sold over 15 million copies and is just as useful today as it was when it was first published.
How to Win Friends and Influence People was originally written to be used as a textbook for Dale Carnegie Courses in Effective Communication and Human Relations, as well as Public Speaking, which is still used in these courses up until today.
Millions of people all over the world are being trained in Dale Carnegie Courses and other millions are reading/studying the book, How to Win Friends and Influence People, and are being inspired to use its principles to better their lives.
So without further do, I’d like to share with you what’s inside the book, How to Win Friends and Influence People, that has created huge positive change not only in my personal life, but as well as in the life of millions of people worldwide, since its creation.
The book consists of thirty (30) timeless principles which were divided and discussed into four (4) parts. In this article, I will enumerate each principle and mention one of the key points. But to better grasp the idea of the book and Dale Carnegie’s teachings, I strongly recommend you read the book and make it a part of your lifetime book reference. And if you can invest time and money, create a huge transformation in your life by attending Dale Carnegie Courses near you.
Part One: Fundamental Techniques in Handling People
- Principle 1 – Don’t Criticize, Condemn or Complain
For most of us, it is easier to criticize, condemn or complain. We’re not aware how these negative attitudes greatly affect not only our moods or feeling, but as well as our relationship with other people. Whenever you feel like criticizing, complaining or condemning other people, remember this, If you want to gather honey, don’t kick over the beehive.
- Principle 2 – Give Honest and Sincere Appreciation
Another negative attitude that many people possess is to see the bad more than the good of another person. One reason is that we often feel inferior on the abilities of other people that we tend to conceal it by appearing superior and degrading other people’s value. Remember, the biggest desire of human nature is the desire to be important. And that’s the big secret of dealing with people.
- Principle 3 – Arouse in the Other Person an Eager Want
Most people are self-centered and self-seeking. Our world is full of these kinds. But those rare individual who unselfishly tries to serve others has future in store for them and they have an enormous advantage. Remember, If there’s any one secret of success, it lies in the ability to get the other person’s point of view and see things from the other person’s point of view and see things from that person’s angle as well as from your own. ~ Henry Ford
Part Two: Six Ways to Make People Like You
- Principle 4 – Be Genuinely Interested in Other People
The key point in this principle is that you can make more friends in two months by becoming genuinely interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.
- Principle 5 – Smile
The expression one wears on one’s face is far more important than the clothes one wears on one’s back. Remember that smile is worth a million dollars.
- Principle 6 – Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language
We should be aware of the magic contained in a name and realize that this single item is wholly and completely owned by the person with whom we are dealing and nobody else.
- Principle 7 – Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves
To be a good conversationalist, be an attentive listener. To be interesting, be interested.
- Principle 8 – Talk in terms of the other person’s interests
The royal road to a person’s heart is to talk about the things he or she treasures most.
- Principle 9 – Make the Other Person feel important – and do it sincerely
Talk to people about themselves and they will listen for hours.
Part Three: How to Win People to Your Way of Thinking
- Principle 10 – The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it
Avoid arguments. You can’t win an argument. You can’t because if you lose it, you lose it and if you win it, you lose it. Because a man convinced against his will is of the same opinion still.
- Principle 11 – Show respect for the other person’s opinions. Never say, “You’re wrong”
Judge people by their own principles – not by your own. Be diplomatic, it will help you gain your point.
- Principle 12 – If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically
By fighting, you never get enough, but by yielding you get more than you expected.
- Principle 13 – Begin in a friendly way
A drop of honey catches more flies than a gallon of gall.
- Principle 14 – Get the other person saying “yes, yes” immediately
Don’t begin by discussing the things on which you differ, begin by emphasizing on the things on which you agree.
- Principle 15 – Let the other person do a great deal of the talking
Even our friends would rather talk to us about their achievements rather than listen to us boasting ours.
- Principle 16 – Let the other people feel that the idea is his or hers
Don’t think of the credit, think of the results. Sometimes, it helps to let other people take the credit.
- Principle 17 – Try honesty to see things from the other person’s point of view
Success in dealing with people depends on a sympathetic grasp of the other person’s viewpoint.
- Principle 18 – Be sympathetic with the other person’s ideas and desires
Three-fourths of the people you will ever meet are hungering and thirsting for sympathy. Give it to them, and they will love you.
- Principle 19 – Appeal to the nobler motives
A person usually has two reasons for doing a thing: one that sounds good and a real one. In order to change people, appeal to the nobler motives.
- Principle 20 – Dramatize your ideas
This is the day of dramatization. Merely stating a truth isn’t enough. You have to use showmanship. The movies do it, television does it. And you will have to do it if you want attention.
- Principle 21 – Throw down a challenge
The one major factor that motivated people was the work itself. If the work was exciting and interesting, the worker looked forward to doing it and was motivated to do a good job.
Part Four: How to Change People Without Giving Offense or Arousing Resentment
- Principle 22 – Begin with praise and honest appreciation
It’s like the dentist who begins with his work Novocain. The patient still gets a drilling, but the Novocain is pain-killing.
- Principle 23 – Call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly
Calling attention to one’s mistakes indirectly works wonders with sensitive people who may resent bitterly any direct criticism.
- Principle 24 – Talk about your mistakes before criticizing the other person
Admitting one’s own mistakes – even when one hasn’t corrected them – can help convince somebody to change his behavior.
- Principle 25 – Ask questions instead of giving direct orders
People are more likely to accept an order if they have had a part in the decision that caused the order to be issued.
- Principle 26 – Let the other person save face
No man has the right to say or do anything that diminishes a man in his own eyes.
- Principle 27 – Be hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise
Abilities wither under criticism, they blossom under encouragement.
- Principle 28 – Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to
A small phrase can change an entire life. If you want to improve a person in a certain aspect, act as though that particular trait were already one of his or her outstanding characteristics.
- Principle 29 – Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct
Give confidence, inspire with courage and faith.
- Principle 30 – Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest
Always make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.
The book, How to Win Friends and Influence in People, is indeed a timeless and remarkable book on human relations and effective communication. No wonder it has changed and created positive impact to millions of people for over 70 years since the book was published. I strongly recommend it to those who want to improve the circumstance in their life, may it be on personal or professional perspective.
But I want to caution people who are looking for overnight solution to their relationship problems. Because this book is not a how-to book that will help you solve problems in an instant. The timeless principles written here require time and continuous habit in order to make lasting impact and real changes in a person’s life. And once you’ve mastered them through time, you will gain success and happiness in any areas of your life.
If you want personal coaching and help on the application of these principles, in addition to reading the book, I suggest you also attend the Dale Carnegie Course.
For a final note, remember this phrase from Dale Carnegie:
When dealing with people, let us remember we are not dealing with creatures of logic. We are dealing with creatures of emotion, creatures bristling with prejudices and motivated by pride and vanity.